A Love Like This...

You’d think loving somebody is tough. So how about being in a polygamous relationship? Think about it, how would you feel, and cope, if you were not the only person in your partner’s love life?

Meet this lady: 

 

She’s my grandmother. And that man beside her? He’s my grandfather. The thing is, she’s not his only wife. She’s his first wife through an arranged marriage. Years later, my grandfather would go on to marry 3 other wives but, 2 of them ran away with other men. Back when polygamy was legal in Singapore, the first wife had to go to court to affirm that she allows, and doesn’t mind that, her husband gets another wife. If this didn’t happen, the man would not be able to. Imagine how my grandmother must have felt, watching her own husband repeat this over and over again, and having to go to court for him.

One might argue as to why couldn’t she just disagree to it. Here’s why: this happened almost 70 years ago and nonetheless, in Singapore. Back then, women were oppressed – they had no say. Especially in an Asian household, the wife had to dutifully listen to not only her husband but also, her in-laws. She had no authority until she was the dowager herself.

To understand the dynamics of polygamy, imagine this:

This is exactly how it happened for my grandma. Her responsibility in the household was the greatest; and her in-laws dealt with her the strictest. Meanwhile, my grandpa did nothing to help and instead, pampered his other wives.

Grandma's posse -  biological & step-daughters, and daughter in-laws

Yet throughout it all, the love my grandmother had for her husband, and her children, stood resolute. Despite her in-laws constantly berating her for not giving birth to a boy, her love did not waver. When she adopted 2 boys, she looked after them as if they were her own children. Their own parents didn’t think twice about them but not my grandma. She loved my uncles as if they were her own flesh and blood. When my grandpa chose to live with his second wife instead of her, she persevered, and never once did her love for him falter.  When she had to look after my grandpa’s other children with his second wife, and then when they turned against her under their own mother’s instructions, she still continued loving them. 

It's the clan, minus a few...

Even now, after one of her daughters succumbed to cancer, and her husband about to, she continues to love. In fact, her love has intensified. Despite everything, my grandma’s love did not waver once. She did not question, she did not doubt. All she did was to faithfully continue loving without asking for anything in return. She loves all of us, regardless whether we are smart or mentally unsound, regardless of our background and regardless of what we do. I know for sure that no matter what happens, my grandma will continue to love those she holds dear.

 So, how often do you see a love like this; so unwavering, so steadfast? To give your all and not once expect or ask for anything in return, to selflessly love no matter what. An unconditional love like this is something so precious. If I were in my grandma’s shoes, I would have given up on love long ago.

My grandmother inspires me to want to be a better person, to love and to give without hesitation and pause. All I ask, is that she’s still around to see me get married. I just want to see her smiling face on my wedding day.

  I really do.