Reflections

After all that this semester have brought about, it has gotten me thinking of the direction I want to take when it comes to journalism and communication. I don't say journalism specifically because I'm not doing a journalism degree but instead, a Bachelor of Arts majoring in Journalism and Mass Communication. Thus, this, as my last post for JOUR1111, shall be a reflective one.

Throughout the semester, every single time someone learns about what I'm studying, the first question they always ask is, "oh, so you want to be a journalist?" This happens without fail. Every time I hear this question, my brain does a little panic attack and the major question just ricochets off the inside of my head. 

DO I WANT TO BE A JOURNALIST?!

Up till now, I can safely say, I've no bloody idea. You see, when I first started this course, my thinking was, "hey, journalism looks interesting. I should give it a go, maybe I'll have fun." Prior to this, I had no knowledge whatsoever with regards to journalism practices. All my life, I've done nothing remotely related to the arts. Back in high school, I was in the math and science stream, where I did mostly maths and sciences and barely touched and humanities subjects. I went on to a polytechnic, where I got a Diploma in Tourism and Resort Management where I learn everything to do with the tourism industry and various business courses. As you can see, not very humanities related as well. In a way, going to university taking an Arts degree was a giant leap for me. 

As time progressed, and I learnt more Journalism practices, I began to self-doubt, which, if I may add, is a very bad thing to do. I began to question myself and my abilities. 

"Did I make the right choice?"
"Will I ever make it in this area?"

These are just some of the questions that constantly plagued me. Yet, I soldiered on, determined to see it through.

Now at the end of JOUR1111, with a better understanding of journalism practices, I have a somewhat better idea of where I'll be headed in this line. Of course, before progressing much further, I'd have to undergo communication practices before reaching a conclusion, or not. Who's to say I can't just breeze through life doing things I like, when I like?

But, I digress. As I was saying, by the time I've completed this course, I've reached a certain point where I can say, "I'm definitely doing that." Well, if I can't figure out, yet, what I'm going to be doing in the future, I can sure as hell figure out what I'm not going to do.

The moment we started talking about Investigative Journalism, no matter how interesting it sounded, I knew that our paths would never cross. I am, as a hippie would say, a moonchild. I resent being tied down by anything and I am rarely serious. Being an investigative journalist would not mesh well with my personality and I know that deep down, I will never have the patience and determination to carry out investigative journalistic work. 

I know, for sure, that I will never end up working for any major newspapers, especially those really newsy ones. I might do well with tabloids, but definitely not with the serious, major organisations. People might say that all these are just excuses I give myself for being lazy but really, I don't think so. I know that these are things that I will never the passion in doing, like reporting on politics, or the war, or just local news. 

So then, what am I doing studying journalism and mas communication? Right now, at this point, I'm more inclined towards stuff like travel and leisure journalism (especially so after doing my diploma). I'd much rather work with a travel, fashion or lifestyle magazine as opposed to the serious ones. For example, I'd prefer a job with The Travel Magazine than Time Magazine, a job with CNNGo than CNN. It doesn't matter what I like reading (as I enjoy reading all those I've just mentioned) but what I would like doing.

I guess I'm too much of a dreamer to do something so serious, like report on breaking news. In fact, I see myself more likely working for a company in their communications or PR sector as opposed to a reporter for a newspaper. That's the hard, sad truth, and I'm not apologetic for it, as that's the way I am. I am not looking to be a famous journalist, or photojournalist. I mean, it would be lovely to have fame but ultimately, that is not my main goal. I want to do the things I feel passionate about, that I love doing. I don't care if people approve of it. You can say, I'd rather be a Micawber than a person with riches but sick of her life. 

Wow, to be honest, I had no clue where I was going when I started this post but I guess writing it all down is allowing me to see everything much better. I had no idea I had crammed all these thoughts into my head all this time. You can say I'm rather optimistic that my life will turn out the way I want but well, if I don't believe I can live like that, who will?

Of course, the future is as uncertain as hell, and I'm nervous just thinking about it (which is probably why I seldom plan ahead). But even with schwellenangst, I think I'm still pretty confident that I would be able to steer my life in the direction I want. 

I'll just take it one step at a time, and let's see where that brings me in the end. 

With this, I end my JOUR1111 blog for this semester. I wish all of you well for your future.

xoxo,

Amanda